Pretty Muddy 2016!

Hi everyone! Hope all you lovely bunch are okay!

Yesterday, I took part in the Pretty Muddy event as part of Race for Life. I did the 5K race in York, but there are also 10K races available for those people a little bit braver (and a lot fitter) than me! You can find the full details for all of the events here! I had the absolute best time! My anxiety was super kicking in before the race and in the first couple of minutes, but the team spirit was absolutely amazing and it gave me such a buzz! This is the first running event I have ever taken place in and I’m definitely going to persuade all my friends to sign up with me next year, maybe even be brave and do the 10K!

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The course itself is super fun, filled with muddy obstacles the whole way around. My favourites were the muddy cargo nets, the space hoppers and of course, the huge inflatable slide with a big pool of mud at the bottom! The marshalls also threw huge buckets of mud at you on your way around the course! Like I said, I’m not the fittest person ever. I regularly do 5K in the gym but I have never actually run outside before and was worried about that. But there is absolutely no competition whatsoever and most people walk it! Even if you do want to run/jog, you get to have little breaks whilst you wait for the obstacles to be free, anyway. My sister did the event too, and she has a physical disability. It’s all for fun and you just take it at your own pace! It’s all about raising money for charity and working together to find a cure for cancer!

The photo’s show the difference in how clean we were at the beginning, compared to how muddy we got at the end! Excuse my squinty eyes, it was a ridiculously hot and sunny day!

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If anybody is thinking about taking part, I urge you to do so! It’s honestly so fun and I will definitely do it again! Pretty Muddy is open to females aged 13 and over (just because of the obstacles) and there are so many different locations where you can get involved! And if you don’t fancy getting absolutely blattered, you can do the standard races which are just as much fun!

Have any of you guys done Pretty Muddy before? How did you find it? I’d love to see your photos!

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Together, we will find a cure for cancer!

Lots of love,
xxx

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My Anxiety Story..

This is something that’s very difficult for me to post. By no means am I an expert at this type of things, but if my story helps at least one person, letting them know that they’re not alone with anxiety, then it was completely worth writing it all for. I can’t go into too much detail, mainly because it’s hard to bring it back up, but I’m done with that chapter in my life now. I don’t hold any grudges to anybody who was involved at the time. Life is too short to hold grudges and we’re all grown ups. I’d rather move on and be happy.

I was never the most confident person growing up. I was shy around new people, but once I had gotten to know them, you couldn’t shut me up! The only time I can remember being truly anxious was when I had to go swimming. I had an accident around the pool when I was 5 that left me in hospital, and from that day on, I had been completely petrified of going swimming. I would throw up every time I was taken, but my mum persevered and eventually she managed to get me back into the pool. It took me years to get confident in the water, but I did it. I had never had any other problems with anxiety or nerves before and I never really kept things bottled up. My mum is my best friend and if I have any problems, I go straight to her and rant my little heart out. Mum’s are the best at giving advice and my mum definitely is a diamond!

When I was 19, I started a new job. It was something I had never done before, but I’m always up for a new challenge. The first 2 months or so, I absolutely loved it. I felt like I fit in with everybody else and I really liked the job itself. It was a stressful job, don’t get me wrong, but I did like the job. I liked the people I got to see and I liked the feeling of helping my customers. But it all began to go downhill after that. The job had a tiny team, there were 6 of us altogether. You know how there are certain groups of girls at school who seem to have that ‘elite’ club? That was what it began to feel like. Except I wasn’t part of the club. I felt like an outsider constantly, like things were going on behind my back and I wasn’t allowed to know. Bitchy comments were an everyday thing and it made me feel so on edge. I had never really been through that stage in my life before, especially not from adults. I was the youngest person working there, by quite a few years, so I didn’t feel like I had anybody to turn to. At the same time period, my sister was in hospital going through some pretty serious tests, before starting some crappy medication that made her even sicker. I began to feel like I couldn’t cope anymore.

The next four months felt like torture. Things got a lot worse in my job, to the point where I started having panic attacks daily, sometimes up to four times a day. I would get myself so worked up and stressed out the nights before I was going to work that sometimes I would actually be sick at the thought of going in. I spent so much time locked in my room, too afraid to tell my mum what was going on. I didn’t want her to think that I couldn’t handle things that were going on in my own life. I was an adult.. Those kind of things shouldn’t be happening at my age! Bullying, name calling and all the drama that was going on was something that I associated with primary school, not in the workplace! I rarely saw my friends, I wasn’t sleeping at all and I generally didn’t leave my house.

It wasn’t until one day I had discovered a bald patch in the back of my hair where things were making me so stressed out and anxious, that I realised I had to tell somebody. My mum had seen the signs of something going on, and she was the first person I told. I was more embarrassed to tell her how I felt mentally, rather than what was going on in my job. She let me cry on her shoulder for the longest time whilst we talked about my options. I could switch jobs, move to a different region/shop, try to stick it out and see if things changed, or should I just leave altogether? I decided to see if I could stick it out, see if things changed at all. I questioned my management how much notice I would have to give if I were to leave, just as one of my options, and that’s where things went even more crazy. I walked into work about three weeks later to be told that I had to write my notice as the manager of my shop had said that I had given verbal notice to leave. I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up there and then. They had twisted everything I had said, to make me want to leave even more. At this point, I realised I had to leave. It wasn’t good for my health staying there.

So I walked out, there and then. And I never looked back from that day. I still had panic attacks for months afterwards, especially when opening up to people about what had happened. But I learnt how to cope with them and I noticed the signs of feeling anxious beforehand, which helped me stop panic attacks in their tracks. I remember travelling on the train to Hull about 7 months later by myself without having a panic attack and I had never been as proud of myself as I was that day. Funny how something that could be something you would do every day/week/month before hand, was now a huge task. It’s been 2 years since I left that job, and it’s been about a year since I had my last panic attack.

Obviously, all situations which involve anxiety are completely different, but my main advice would be to tell somebody. Open up and talk to somebody. If you don’t feel like you can tell your parents or your family/friends, make an appointment with a GP. They are absolutely brilliant with these kinds of things, and as soon as you have gotten it off your chest, you will feel a huge sense of relief. I can only wish that I had told my mum sooner. Secondly, if it is something you can avoid doing, take yourself out of the situation. The negativity, the stress, none of it is worth it. If I had known beforehand that this would have happened to me, I would have never sent that first job application. Another thing I highly recommend is downloading the MIND – Headspace app. That app was an absolute godsend to me. It made me think logically, even if just for 10 minutes. Sometimes 10 minutes is all you need, to realise that things are fine. You are going to be okay and you will get through it. It taught me how to breathe through it, to just relax and to accept that even if a panic attack was going to happen, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. You would survive. I found myself talking to myself a lot, reassuring myself that everything would be fine. But that app was one of the best things for me during that time. It helped me get some sleep, calming me enough to fall asleep.

I know that this is mainly just a ramble about the situation that I have been through, but if anybody else is going through this, please, please open up and talk about it. Please feel free to drop me an email or a tweet or anything, I hate to think that somebody else might be sat locked away in their room like I used to be. Also, if you know somebody that is going through something like this, please, please be supportive! It’s very, very hard for people to talk about it, but knowing that they have somebody there who is willing to listen when they need it is so comforting. I know that if my mum wasn’t willing to listen to me, if she just thought I was being ridiculous, then I would still be stuck in that job now. And I dread to think how my mental health would be right now.

http://www.mind.org.uk/

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp

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Sorry that this was such a long post guys!
xxx

‘Get To Know Me’ tag!

Hi, guys! Because this is my very first blog post (scary!!), I decided I would do the ‘Get To Know Me’ tag. So as the title suggests, you can learn some things about me that you didn’t already know!

1. Are you named after anyone? Not that I’m aware of. My brother actually picked my name when I was born.

2. When was the last time you cried? I’m such a huge cry baby. Everything makes me cry, I’m so sensitive. I think it was watching If I Stay.

3. Do you have kids? Nope, but I would love to in the future!

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? I’d like to think so! Though I’d probably get annoyed with the real me. I can be quite clingy!

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I do, but only with people who I’m very good friends with. They know it’s just my personality and that I’m not rude!

6. Will you ever bungee jump? I wish I was brave enough to say yes, but I’m definitely not that brave!

7. What’s your favorite cereal? CoCo Pops!

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Where they look when they speak. Eye contact is important to me and it drives me mad if people are looking elsewhere in a conversation. I also tend to pick up on body language, so if somebody is super fidgety I notice it straight away.

9. What is your eye colour? A bluey green.

10. Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings! I’m such a wimp and hate scary movies!

11. Favorite smells? Insolence by Guerlain. My mum wears it every day so it makes me think of her! I also love the smell of petrol and anything coconut scented.

12. Summer or winter? Summer! I hate the cold!

13. Computer or television? Computer. I watch pretty much everything on my laptop anyway, so I don’t actually watch the TV that much!

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? I’m not very well travelled, I’ve only been to Spain and Paris. So Spain is the furthest I’ve been away from home.

15. Do you have any special talents? I’ve danced since I was four years old, so at some point, I was actually a good dancer. Now I look like I have two left feet. I can do the splits if that counts?

16. Where were you born? England.

17. What are your hobbies? Online shopping (dangerous!!), reading, hanging out with my family, listening to music, watching my favourite choreographer (Yanis Marshall) with his YouTube uploads!

18. Do you have any pets? Yes! I have a Bichon Frise named Missy. She’s just turned 2 and she’s the cutest, cuddliest little baby, but she’s also very naughty!

19. Favorite movie? I always find it impossible to pick my ultimate favourite movie. So some of my favourites are; Peter Pan, Cinderella, 10 Things I Hate About You, Coyote Ugly and Burlesque.

20. Do you have any siblings? I have a brother who is four years older than me and a sister who is four years younger. Middle child!

21. What do you want to be when you grow up? Well travelled, happy and healthy!

 

So, that’s all for this tag! If there is anybody here who hasn’t yet done this (I’m probably the last one to do it, as per), then I’d like you to, so I can learn about you as well! Thank you so much for reading!